BirthCut

I am putting together a Q&A with Isa Herrera, physical therapist and author of Ending Female Pain (which deals with pelvic/sexual pain and dysfunction as well as scar issues in women after childbirth) here on my blog.

If you have any questions for her, please comment and I will gladly add them to the list!

Unfortunately blogtalkradio was having some technical difficulties, so we were not able to take any callers until the very last minute, but it is still worth a listen. Hopefully Danielle and I will do this again in the future, with blogtalkradio being a little more cooperative.

Click here to listen.

I am also going to be on the Feminist Breeder & Friends sometime in the near future. I will let you know when I have a definite date.

I will be a guest tonight on the Momotics radio show, hosted by Danielle (who also happens to be chapter leader of ICAN Connecticut and ICAN's Northeast Regional Coordinator). 

We will be discussing post cesarean feelings, as well as my own cesarean birth story and why I started this site. 

Please tune in and join us at 10 PM EST.  Feel free to call in and have your voices heard!

I have received a few cesarean stories for the new page -- and they are beautiful and inspiring! Please keep them coming in. Feel free to include pictures!

I am been busy working on a new page for the site . It will be solely dedicated to positive cesarean section experiences and will include birth plans, positive cesarean birth stories, and recovery tips. 

I have also been reading Ending Female Pain by Isa Herrera. It is fantastic so far and I am sure many will find it just as helpful. I hope to have a Q & A with Ms. Herrera soon, and will post it here.

Of course I am open to more suggestions and feedback for the new page and the site in general, so please feel free to comment or send me an email!

Smile, "you have a healthy baby!"

Cesarean-art.com is one of the first sites I came across when recovering from my c-section. It is a collection of raw and expressive cesarean artwork by an anonymous artist who, though wanting a VBAC, was railroaded into a repeat c-section for the birth of her second child.

My jaw dropped at how powerful the images were... how well I could relate to what each peice expressed.  I admired her courage and honestly for showing the world how her cesareans affected her, not to mention felt extremely grateful as she was one of the first that helped me realize I wasn't alone in my feelings.

The artist was gracious enough to take part in a Q & A for my blog.

Q. Could you describe the births of your children? How were the c/s

experiences different--if at all?

A.  Like many, I had great hopes for the birth of my first child. I'm from Europe, and I got medical care from a traditional doctor as well as seeing a midwife in a birth center at the same time. The thought of a c-section actually never crossed my mind. It also never crossed my mind that a c-section would change future births since there were VBA2C women in my birth prep class.

All the women in my class gave birth, and mine was "late". The birth center did not take me anymore at 41 weeks and I was transferred to a regular hospital. I was advised a c-section without even having labor and agreed too hastily. It was sad, painful and really scary. I had no real support at the time from anyone and felt left alone.

Six years later, I was pregnant again, now in the USA. Looking for an OB was also the first time I even dealt with the US medical system. I was frustrated soon to find out the way things work about networks and being restricted to a certain hospital. During my first OB visit I was told I would have to have a c-section and was shocked. I also found that there was no birthcenter and no midwife would legally see me for a vbac. I didn't (still don't) have the guts for an unassisted birth. I tried to tell myself it wouldn't be "so bad" and that I was sort of OK the first time. But again it was really sad to have a surgical birth and never even have labor. My husband and family didn't support anything outside the c-section option.

So in October 2005 I laid myself on the operation table and they extracted my son. Technically, things went "fine" by OB's standard. But I remained very angry. I expressed anger and frustration to the OB regarding enforced c-sections but all it did was sending a red flag and I became labeled "problem patient". And, now that it was all done, I was even told that "you could have just left my office, then I wouldn't have done a c-section on you".

Now that I know all the details about why OBs don't do VBACs, not only always out of greed but because insurances basically make them to or they are scared of lawsuits etc I am still angry that I did not get any explanations.

Some more human emotion and explanation about the situation towards the patient (me) could have changed a lot of things I think.

Q. How was your physical recovery from your cesareans? Did they differ at all?

A. They both were horribly painful by my level of tolerance but nothing out of the extraordinary as I am told. I still find them humiliating.

Q. When did you start creating your cesarean art? What was your first piece?

A.  I started with 2 images about 3 months after the birth. "The deed is done" and "Post Partum".

The rest was started about 6 months pp, when my "cesarean rage" was at its prime level. I had dug out so much information that could have been important to me before birth. But I had been naive and ignoring too many things back then and let them threaten me into the repeat c-section. Now I found out that you can't be forced, your baby won't die and so on. I was mad.

Some people have mentioned that I may or may not have taken the time to draw away from the time I took care of my children. I made everything at snail's pace, whenever I had my moments. The whole "collection" took about one year or so. It's not that I was in a hurry at all.

Q.  What is your favorite piece and why?

A.  I like "first shower" because so many women could relate to it. It's not pretty but it speaks volumes. Your in the shower alone, your baby is somewhere gone, you are in pain, can not stand straight and look at your battered body for the first time.

Q. One of your works is titled "Birth of PPD", did you have PPD after your second cesarean? First? Do you think your c/s directly contributed to that?

A. No, even though I didn't, I read that c-sections raise the chance of PPD or PTSD. Doh, I wonder why! It's a brutal act to say the least if you think about it.

I was lucky to bond with my children and get the hell out of the hospital asap. I love them and never held them accountable for anything. That's the thing so many don't understand. Hating your c-section says absolutely nothing about loving or appreciating your baby.

Q.  Another piece shows a woman cutting herself with a knife across her abdomen, below the caption read, "OB claims I am irritating my scar", what is the story behind it?

A.  My scar was red and irritated and the OB claimed I was irritating it. To me, that was another thing to add to the list of making me a "problem". At that point, I was disappointed beyond belief and decided never to go there anymore. Then I got the letter saying that OB felt the same.

Q  How do you feel about the births of your children now some years have passed? How long did it take you to feel that you were starting to heal emotionally?

A.  Now that I have met likewise thinking moms and people who actually understand what's going on, I can look back on everything in a less angry way and accept my story as a cautionary tale to others.

It's great to have met people through ICAN and other places that understand how I have felt/feel. My OB tried to make me believe that I was the only one by telling me "I've never had anyone angry over a c-section before".

I don't know if I would ever "get over it" but it did take a good 2 years to become confident in myself again in that aspect.

Q  Did you feel creating your cesarean art helped in the healing process?

A.  I don't know. It was very cathartic and the negative feedback I got when the site was picked up by a message board for medical professionals was awful. I had just put it up and it was torn apart by them first. Do they google for this kind of stuff?? It had a lot of arrogance, all sorts of "mental disorders" diagnosed by proxy and so forth. I only read because someone pointed me to it but I never wrote anything.

Later I got a lot of good feedback. I keep the site up for everyone to see for themselves wether they love it or hate it. I grew a very thick skin  

Q.  What would you say to a woman who is in the same shoes you were in 2005 while trying to find a provider who would allow a VBAC?

A. I really don't know! I'm not an authority or something like that, as I mentioned above I'm more of a cautionary tale. If anything, I recommend to be more proactive and find real-life support and knowledge through a doula or midwife to give you your information, not only your OB.

And if you don't really click with your OB, change the office before it is too late. In my case, I was told I can't transfer to another office after 20 weeks and I even believed it.I'd never have someone I don't feel comfortable with or who treats me coldly perform surgery on my body again.

Q  Any words for women just starting down the path of healing from their c/s experience?

A. Get to know other women. Talk about it with someone who understands. Trying to reach out to people who don't really "get it" can be counter productive in my opinion. For a long time I had low self esteem after my 2nd c-section. The feeling of being treated like a lifeless doll during the c-section seeped into the image I had of myself. Of course it's not true, and slowly shaking this off through hearing others' stories helped tremendously.

A few weeks ago, I was interviewed by a journalism student for an article she was writing on cesarean sections. While it does contain a few typos and some inconsistencies with my actual story, overall it is a good article and thought I would share it here.

Michele Demont opened her eyes and had no idea where she was. Looking around the poorly lit room, she saw all sorts of medical equipment blinking and beeping at her. The smell of disinfectant filled the air. As she tried to sit up to orient herself, a blinding pain cut through her torso, forcing her back onto her bed. Lifting the stiff hospital sheets, Michele looked down to see cold metal staples holding her stomach closed in a raw red line across her midriff. She heard a noise to her right and looked to see a nurse moving towards her, holding a wriggling, faceless newborn out to Michele. As she opened her mouth to scream…she woke up, in her own bed.

Michele had been having nightmares like this since she had her first child a couple months ago. During the day, too, her mind kept drifting back to the hospital. Less than ten weeks ago, she was racing to the southeastern Connecticut hospital and everything seemed to be moving too fast until she was admitted. And then it turned into a waiting game. “I was a month overdue,” remembered Michele, “but I was induced before I was ready, and my son was facing the wrong way, and I wasn’t given time.” So Michele, who was anxious and exhausted, consented to having a cesarean section.

During the procedure, Michele had little idea what was going on, and felt at a loss when it was over. “I didn’t see my son’s face until three hours after the birth. They put his face next to mine and three seconds later they yanked him away,” said Michele. “When they brought him back to me in my hospital room hours later, I hadn’t seen him for more than thirty seconds.”

Months after, this feeling of disconnect to her baby, Mason, and restlessness still plagued Michele daily. “It didn’t really hit until I got home from the hospital, when things got back to normal again,” she said. “There was a feeling something was wrong and I couldn’t pin point it at first. I felt something was missing.”

Michele isn’t the only woman feeling this way. Across the country in town halls and on the internet, women are voicing their “cesarean rage.” As c-section rates continue to rise, women are beginning to demand why. Many of them feel these c-sections are pushed upon them and that there is a lack of communication and agency in hospital settings. However, doctors argue that these surgeries are safer for delivering the baby and often prevent malpractice suits. If these women push to change legislation and make cesarean sections less common, will hospitals and doctors suffer?

Over the past two decades, cesarean section rates have continually risen. According to the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists, the rate of cesarean sections has risen to 31.8%, over 300,000 more c-sections than seven years ago. Doctors, like Dr. William Schweizer of New York University’s Langone Medical Center, argue that the c-section rates continue to rise, because of malpractice suits over the infant’s health. “The cesarean section rate has a lot to do with malpractice,” he said. “The fetal and maternal complications that can arise from a delivery with forceps are often greater than those associated with cesarean sections in a world of bloodbanking and sterile operating techniques.”

Cesarean sections have an added layer of complication to them. Until recently, vaginal births after cesarean sections, or VBACs, were rarely performed. Doctors believed that the complications that led to the initial c-section and the scars resulting from that surgery would make a successful vaginal birth impossible. “When VBACs were first thought about,” said Dr. Schweizer, “there was a saying, ‘Once a cesarean, always cesarean.” However, in 2004, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) changed this position. With the advances in technology and cesarean procedures, VBACs could be performed as long as the obstetrician and an anesthesiologist were present for the delivery.

This is where much of the controversy is stemming from. Women are arguing that doctors are not giving them the birthing choices now available to them. “It’s the woman’s body and she should have a choice,” argued Michele. “She shouldn’t have to have unnecessary surgeries. Overtime the path may change and people will see it as a woman’s right to choose.” Despite the sanctioning of VBACs, c-section rates are continuing to rise. And while some may see it as a lack of choice in hospitals, there are other contributing factors and changing trends in the birthing world that make more VBACs impossible and more c-sections necessary. According to the Center for Disease Control, the percentage of births delivered by cesarean section was 60% in 2000 and increased to almost 80% by 2006, more than twice as high for single births. Also, the older a woman is and the more cesarean sections she’s already had increase the necessity for another cesarean section. According to Dr. Schwiezer, “The whole idea is you need to weigh what are the risks and the benefits for the patient and for society.”

However, Michele was not too old nor had had previous c-sections or problems giving birth previously nor was having twins. “My doctor told me my pelvis was too small,” said Michele, “and my son was too big for me.” Three years after having Mason, who weighed 8 pounds 7 ounces and was 20 ½ inches long at birth, Michele had her second child, Hannah, who was 7 ounces heavier and a little taller than her older brother. And Michele had her naturally.

When Michele found out she was pregnant, she was determined to be better prepared than she was for her first delivery. While her first choice was to give birth at a birth center, when Michele found out they would not support her VBAC, she turned to a midwife. “She came to my house for all of the appointments and would stay and talk for as long as two hours and we built a friendship,” said Michele. “I’m glad I went with the home birth, because I had supportive people around me and I felt in control.”

This sense of control and agency is what many women find lacking in hospitals. Michele soon found this out through her website, BirthCut.com. She created it while recovering from her c-section. “It’s a place where not only women but men also where they can share their stories,” said Michele, “and help in the healing process and have their stories be heard.”

Sites like Michele’s have begun popping up in huge numbers. CesareanArt.org and BirthTruth.com are two of the most visited, while the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) holds both online forums and real-world support groups. “I posted my birth story on a blog and people started commenting on it,” said Michele, “and I realized this is normal and I can actually talk to these people and not feel weird.” It was here that she found the real problem: the lack of agency or power for the patients. Thinking back on how little information she received before and during her cesarean section, Michele said, “Of course theres a time and a place for interventions, but a lot of the time it’s overkill. If you’re a hammer, everything you see’s a nail. Doctors try to fix something and if it’s not broken the intervention causes more problems than it solves.”

Women like Michele and the members of ICAN hope to change not only the way patients are viewed in hospital settings, but also legislation that will not make it so easy for doctors to choose cesarean sections over vaginal births. “I know a lot of other birth advocates that are head of organizations,” said Michele, “and I’m actually partnering up with iCare Connecticut to try and lower the c-section rates and change the way of birth in the stat. Little by little I’m getting myself out there and I hope it continues.”

And little by little, things are changing. At Langone Medical Center, for instance, Dr. Schweizer is practicing what Michele preaches. “I really cannot stress the fact enough that the doctor-patient relationship is important,” said Dr. Schweizer. “As for being too medicalized, there are real risks that can happen with birth and we can’t forget that maternal morbidity rates are high in other parts of the world. In the United States, no maternal death is acceptable.”

As for what the consequences of Michele’s actions may be, one can only wait and see. Hopefully, more doctors will take a similar stance to Dr. Schweizer’s and give more agency and power to the patients. And, hopefully, Michele’s and other’s plan will not backfire, situating doctors between the law restricting c-sections and between lawsuits demanding them. This overwhelming sadness I felt lasted awhile. I would go over in my head what I could have done differently. I felt like anxious and I had a hard time falling asleep even though I was exhausted. I was thinking about it every day at least and then after that I found other women like me who turned more into anger. I turned negative feelings into positive things, like meeting other women like me and birth advocacy. And I’m 100% positive I wouldn’t have had my home birth if it hadn’t been for my c-section.”